Deciding the kind of people you want to surround yourself with

I've been trying very hard and very honestly and openly to adjust, not exactly who I am, but the kind of person I want to be. I've turned to Buddhism to move away from negativity and things that can be physically and mentally harmful. One thing I've realised however, is that the people you surround yourself with have such an impact on you - well for me at least. For the most part of my journey to Buddhism I've been in England, away from where I grew up and who I grew up with, which I think has made the process a bit easier. I have changed so much since I have lived in Hong Kong, and I feel like for the most part it's for the better. 

Coming back this summer, however, has made me feel like I've taken quite a few steps back. I find it very difficult to stay focussed on positive things while I'm back because of the kind of place Hong Kong is: it's very small, and everyone knows everyone. This can be such a lovely and wonderful thing, but it can also be very hard. It's difficult to distance yourself from people here because of it: because your friends are also friends of everyone else you know, and it can make things a little awkward. There have been a couple of days this summer where I've come home thinking, wow, I've been quite horrible with the things I've said about people, or thinking that I could have treated someone better than I have, or that my thoughts were particularly negative, etc. 

Of course, that is no one's fault but my own. I should have control of everything I say and do, and until I've come back, I have been working so hard on trying to have the right intentions and thoughts. So before this comes off the wrong way, I'm not blaming anyone else for my regression. I'm simply saying that while I'm not mindful enough to control the things I say and do, I need to take steps to help me stay on the right path. 

I think that this is something that everyone can benefit from. 

I have been trying to improve myself, but I feel like some people make that more difficult for me. Not on purpose, but either their personality brings out some negative aspects of me, or the things they say or do bring me down and make me start to feel very negative. And I've started trying to distance myself from these people. These are the kind of people who I do not need in my life right now. I feel like it's very important to be brutally honest and ask what affect your relationship with someone - friend, partner, family - has on your life and your wellbeing. And I've looked at my relationship with a couple of people and am realising, quite sadly, that I just don't want to be around them, simply because I don't think it's healthy for me. I am just hoping that one day I am strong enough to be able to stay on the right path, to keep positive and have the right thoughts and intentions when I am with these people. 

Right now I need to surround myself with people who have a positive outlook and who can help guide me in the right direction. So that's what I am going to attempt to do.

A bit of a deep post.. but I really wanted to say that, if not just to reiterate it to myself. I hope this post doesn't put anyone off my blog! They wont all be this depressing haha. 

xxxx